While making dinner, I'd often hear my 13 year old son say things like, "Mom, you gotta' check this out!" and "Mom, will you watch me?" He'd be playing a video game called World of Warcraft (rated T for teen), which is not exactly my cup of tea nor part of my parenting or life philosophy due to the 'warcraft' nature of the game, but something I've allowed him to play as part of my conscious effort to acknowledge his maturation.
I'm ashamed to say that I would often feign watching and interest in his game just to appease him, as I really had no interest in wasting my time watching him play a video game, nor did I wish to watch his character slay another character. Yuk! Seriously, I'm 43 and have more important things to do with my time, like cook dinner, do the laundry, work, you know, adult stuff.
Well, I'm proud to say, boy was I wrong! Here's what happened...
I decided to sit down with my son one day and watch him play for a few minutes, more from a realization that I couldn't pretend to watch anymore as he's certainly noticed my lackluster interest and I thought that if I continued to do that I'd really hurt his feelings. So, I tore myself away from my 'adult stuff' and sat down on the couch and watched him play.
Oh, my, was I not prepared for what happened. He was so elated that I stopped what I was doing and sat and watched him play, that his whole presence seemed to beam and become vibrant with joy. He giddily told me all about the game and his character and the battles that he's won and how he could interact with his friends IRL (in real life) right there on the screen. It really was amazing to watch. This technology stuff really is something! ;)
Well, after seeing the joy that my measly 15 minutes of focused attention brought him, I decided to make the big leap. Not only was I willing to watch him play, but I was now committing to join him! Yes, you read that correctly. I was now hearing myself say the words his little ears were begging to hear, "Yes, I'll play with you." I almost couldn't believe that I was saying what I heard myself saying, but it was true and I had said it, so I couldn't back out now.
Within minutes he had me opening an account with World of Warcraft and selecting which type of character I wanted to be (I'm not making this up!). I could select my character's attributes - hair color, face paint design, weapon style, and on and on. My character's name is Roonaya and I'm a night elf. HE BEAMED THROUGH THE WHOLE PROCESS! It was truly glorious to see.
The next step was for me to start playing, which allowed him to direct me with strategy suggestions and 'secret' tips FOR THE NEXT 3 HOURS! I'm totally serious. I lost track of time, and completely dismissed dinner. (We ordered Dominos!) And we played World of Warcraft until 10:30 pm! I am not lying!
My rational mind thinks the whole thing is ridiculous. Me, playing a video game for 3 hours, slaying other characters and creatures. What am I thinking, right?!
But, seeing the joy in his eyes and feeling this new connection between us makes it make sense. Who cares about what type of game it is. Who cares that I stayed up 'til two in the morning doing everything that I was 'suppose to do' that night.
What matters is that, when he walks in the door after school, he can't wait to talk to me. His first question is always, "How far did you get in the game today?" (I haven't, yet, played when he's not home, but the day may come as I become more of a W.O.W. 'junkie'.) And, while there are other more 'important' things for he and I to talk about, our game connection has at least brought him to the proverbial 'table'. He's now more willing to talk with me about other topics, probably because I'm now showing him that his interests are important to me, too.
Connecting with your teenager is really all that matters. How you make that happen is up to you. And since, as most parents of teenagers know, feeling close to your teenager is close to finding the Holy Grail, it's definitely worth the effort.
See you in the game,
Roonaya
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